


Old World Blues

by Rihrus



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Blood and Gore, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2018-12-16 17:41:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11833761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rihrus/pseuds/Rihrus
Summary: Hey y'all! I updated this to improve on the original chapter because i was kinda iffy abt my writing from before. To those who've already read this, i don't think you have to read this again? It'd be cool if ya did, bc im much more proud of this now that ive edited it myself, but nothing major was changed.





	1. Dimmering Lights

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! I updated this to improve on the original chapter because i was kinda iffy abt my writing from before. To those who've already read this, i don't think you have to read this again? It'd be cool if ya did, bc im much more proud of this now that ive edited it myself, but nothing major was changed.

_"It should've been me."_

Faint sobs echo throughout the room. It's dark, and the only illumination is the glow from his pip-boy. Golden streaks of light surround him, dust particles floating in the air. The vault isn't operational anymore, so no one bothers to keep it maintained. He's kneeled down on the ground in front of his husband, face smeared with a mix of dirt, grime, and tears. 

The flowers he picked earlier look miserable, and the torn petals fall to the ground in front of him. Every different flower is dull and void of color, just like everything in the wasteland. He places the flowers in his lap and runs trembling hands through his hair, nails digging into his scalp to the point of a headache. Pushing his hands back down to the floor, he sees the short black strands stuck in between his fingers. Wiping them away, he picks up the bouquet and sits it at Nate's feet. 

"I'm so sorry Nate. I'm so- so sorry." His speech slurs from the soft cries and makes his words nearly incomprehensible. Tired, misty eyes open and focus on his face. A gruesome bullet wound, right in the middle of his forehead. Dried blood stains Nate and his vault suit. He knew he couldn't ever clean them out.

Nate should've lived instead of him. He was a soldier. He knew that he would've had what it takes to survive. He could've found Shaun by now. He's just a lawyer, useless in the wasteland. It's been six months since he has crawled out of Vault 111, but it feels like an eternity ago. This is all just a bad dream. He'll be in his husband's arms at any moment and he'll feel Nate’s warmth, his heartbeat... his arms wrapped around his waist. Shaun will be in the next room, peacefully asleep in his crib. Sunlight will peek out from in between the curtains of their bedroom and he'll see every detail of his husband’s lovely face. 

No, this was real. He has to accept it, and the sooner, the better.

"I promise I will find Shaun. I will do anything to find him, Nate. I promise." His voice was stronger, more firm, but he himself wasn't. Delirium washes over him as he stands and lays his head upon Nate's cold chest, bitterly laughing. His hand rests at the bend of his lover's neck, fingers stroking the rough skin. He was so cold. Flecks of blood fall as the pads of his fingers rub against the neck. At least his death was quick and to the point. That's what he hoped, at least. He didn't want to think of his love suffering.

He could stay by his side forever if it wasn't for the sudden sound of footsteps approaching him. Reluctantly he broke apart from his spouse, and stepped away from the cyro pod. He held his .44mm pistol in his other hand just to be cautious, but he thinks he knows who it is. He crouched down, turning his head to peek through the entrance of the hallway. He holstered his weapon and let out a relieved sigh when he saw who the figure was. Just his companion, clad in the same brotherhood-issued power armor as usual. 

"It's just me, Knight. Are you ready to go-" He must've figured out that he was crying because as his eyes laid upon him, his eyes seemed to soften. 

He hoped that he wouldn't mention it. He's... disappointed in himself. Knights should be strong, and yet here he is, tear-stained face in front of his very own superior. He had to at least suck it up and pretend... _pretend_ that he wasn't just some soft prewar lawyer. 

"Lead the way." Danse looked like he wanted to question him, but he didn't. 

"...Okay. Let's go." 

He slung his backpack over his shoulders and began to follow the chrome man. Once they were on the ascending elevator, Danse spoke up. "Are you alright, Knight?" Compassion was laced into his words, which caught him off-guard. "Yeah, I guess. Call me Hei, okay?" He didn't like being so stiff, so _professional_ with his companion. He spent most of his days with the man after all. 

Danse was caught off guard for a moment, but regained composure. "Okay... Hei." His name sounded nice on Danse's lips. 

"Anyways, don't worry about me, okay?" Hei smiled sweetly, his cheeks molding into an apple-shape with his bright grin. Danse snapped his head away and nodded, trying not to press any more. 

The elevator was finally above ground and the wasteland's thick air surrounded them. Both pairs of armor-clad feet marched off in unison, heading back towards Sanctuary. It was absolutely stunning around this time of year. Foliage was scarce and the leaves did not keep their pre-war saturation, but it all somehow existed even after two centuries of atomic annihilation. A mix of white cherry blossoms and oak trees grew all around the Commonwealth, along with other (what he assumed were mutated) plants he wasn't quite familiar with. He absolutely adored spring, even after the bombs. The air was cool, crisper breeze blowing his hair around. 

As the two men crossed the arched bridge, Codsworth drifted over to greet them. "Ah sir, Welcome back! I am terribly sorry, but Dogmeat requires more kibble." Hei smiled. "Thanks Cod, i'll head to the store. Can you handle watching Sanctuary for me?" 

"Of course, sir! Do be careful." He waved his metal friend off, nodding his head pointedly to Danse. The two men head towards Hei's broken down home. He stops at the front door to untie his boots and kicks them off his feet. Even after all this time, he held onto his old world habits. No one understood why he had this habit but out of respect, they still politely left their shoes at the door. Danse didn't quite count; unless he was out of his power armor. He slides slippers onto his feet and heads into the kitchen to grab a few cans of purified water while Danse politely waits in the living room. 

Digging into his makeshift pantry, he finds another item that piqued his interest. 

"Here." Hei tosses a box of Fancy Lads Snack Cakes to Danse, and he catches it. "T-thank you." He holds back a smile as Danse rips open the packaging, wasting no time to shove one into his mouth. Hei laughed and leaned into his elbows on the kitchen island, watching the light wrinkles in Danse's face become more prominent as he flashes a rare, genuine smile. Hei makes a mental note to look for more when they're out. 

Setting down the purified water onto the kitchen counter, he grabs a can of cherry cola and heads toward his friend. 

He drops onto the couch and feels his aching body sink into the cushions. Letting out an audible sigh, he takes a swig of his carbonated drink. Danse steps away and the distinct sound of hissing power armor fills the room. Hei's lidded eyes follow the other male as he appears back into his line of sight. "So there _is_ a man under all that armor." He splays onto the spot next to him and swallows another cake. 

"Of course there is." Danse frowned a bit, looking at him like it was obvious. _'He cannot take a joke.'_ Hei thought to himself. "I'm just playing with you, buzzkill. We'll head out in a few." 

...

Hei accidentally falls asleep. 

After the short period the two have spent together Danse learned that Hei talked in his sleep. He quietly studied his resting face, focusing on Hei's scars. He didn't have many, but the few he did possess were quite prominent. A long gash dug into the bulge of his right cheekbone, winding across to finally land on the bridge of his flat nose. 

About four months ago, they were unlucky enough to run into an alpha deathclaw. She began barreling towards the both of them, and her blood-covered teeth became increasingly visible as she hissed at the two. Danse got the most of the brunt, which he was glad for, but Hei walked away with a nasty scar. He had always refused to wear power armor, even in the most dangerous parts of the Commonwealth. He wanted to be able to always protect his underling, and on that day he failed.

He remembered screaming Hei's name, pushing him out of the way. Quickly, he aimed his laser gun straight to the monster's head. He managed to shoot out her left eye, resulting in her screaming violently. As the reptilian flailed she threw her hand back and snagged Hei in the face. He remembers the feeling of horror as he saw him fall... the blood never seemed to stop gushing out of his face. Hei laid on the ground, clenching his teeth trying not to scream in agony. The power armor-clad man finished the monster off with multiple bullets in the head and then immediately ran towards his fallen comrade. "Knight!" Danse screamed out his name, grabbing the smaller male's face. Hei looked up at him with a pained expression. He weakly pointed to the fallen backpack beside him and the paladin nodded, understanding what he wanted. He quickly pulled out a stimpack and squeezed the injured man's cheek, slowly but steadily pushing the needle in. Hei hissed in pain, and Danse stroked his cheek to comfort him. "It's okay knight, it's okay. Let me see your eye." 

Luckily, his actual eye didn't get injured. Danse let out a sigh of relief and ripped off part of a square packet with his teeth. He handed him two small, circular pills. "Painkillers. I'll get water for you." He reached again in his backpack, and popped open a can of purified water. "Here." He held the bottle up to his cracked lips and he desperately gulped down the pills and water. "T-thank you." Hei's voice was shaky and soft. "Of course, knight. We can rest for a moment." Danse really didn't want to; they would be targets out in the open after all, but he knew that he was in a lot of pain. He volunteered to be on the lookout for enemies while Hei's painkillers kicked in. After what he'd assume would be twenty minutes, Hei stood hazily and slid his backpack on. He began to head out without word. Danse knew to follow, and when caught up to him, he shot a concerned glance at the knight. "I'm drugged up enough now, thanks to those meds. Let's go." 

_'Goddamnit...'_ The thought of Hei dead made Danse's heart ache in his chest. He had a lot of faith in his knight, he just _knew_ that the man had so much potential. Danse began to stroke Hei's cheek, holding back the urge to embrace the other man. He knew it'd be... unprofessional of him with their imbalance of power. At the end of the day, he was still his knight's Paladin. 

Hei mentioned before that other scars that he had were from before the war; things like cutting his lip the first time he shaved. Even with all the scars, his face was incredibly youthful. He really was new to the wasteland. 

Danse's eyes wandered down to the nose littered with small freckles and his eyes finally laid onto his plump lips. A small vertical scar ran along his bottom lip. His unweathered face wasn't like everyone else's. He was truly a _man out of time._ He couldn't even imagine how hard it has been for him....

Ah, it was getting dark. He should wake him if they want to be back by tomorrow morning. "Knight, wake up." No response. He sighed and shook the smaller male's shoulder. Hei jolts awake with panic. The paladin slowly removes his hand and let him process where he was. "Huh?" Staring at him for a moment, he relaxes. "Oh, it's just you. Shit, how long did I sleep?" Stretching his arms over his head, he looks over to the paladin. "Around three hours. It looked like you needed the rest, knight-" 

"For fucks sake, it's Hei." He corrects him with clear annoyance laced into his voice. 

"...Right." Silence surrounds them for a moment.

"Sorry. We should head out." Hei begrudgingly slides out of his resting position on the couch. Trekking towards the kitchen, he grabs the purified water cans and tosses them into his backpack, along with some stimpacks and radaway. Making a mental checklist, he digs through his backpack to confirm that he has everything they need for the trip. Once he’s ready he waves Danse over. "Okay big guy, let's go." The paladin nods and slides back into his power armor. 

Meanwhile Hei slips on his combat boots, bending over to lace them tightly. Standing back up, he lays his hands on his hips and sighs. "Let's hope we don't run into any ghouls." The thought struck uneasiness into Danse. 

"I'll look after you." Danse said abruptly. He promised to himself that he would protect Hei, no matter what. 

"Thanks. I guess i'll _try_ to keep you alive. Wouldn't want to waste that pretty face, would we?" The paladin's eyes widen in surprise, clearly taken aback from Hei's apparent flirting. He coughs into his hand and turns away. 

"Ahh, you're so easy to rile up Danse!" Hei obnoxiously laughs and slams a hand onto the other man's back, pushing him out the door. 


	2. Rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAA sorry i'm garbage and haven't updated in forever... school was kicking my ass, but i'm on summer break now!! I finished this chapter... it's almost 5am and I am too tired to read it over again so if things like my grammar or sentences are fucked up, then that's why lmao
> 
> UPDATE: finished the editing/grammar corrections for the chapter, enjoy!

As they walk past the rows of Sanctuary's houses, infested with dust and rubble, a deep bark rings out into the air. With the turn of their heads, the two men see Dogmeat running towards them with the wag of his tail and a lolling tongue. Hei’s wide smile shows his age; with the crow's feet around his eyes and smile lines appearing with the flash of his grin. "Hey boy!" He bends down and scratches at his companion's neck, earning Hei a rough nuzzle into his shoulder. He laughs and rubs the canine's head, wiping some of the dust off of his course fur. "You want to come along, boy?" Dogmeat wags his tail and barks happily as a sign of confirmation. Hei nods and hoists himself up from his kneeling. "Well, he wants to go. You alright with that?" Turning his head to the paladin for an answer, he nods. With the wave of his hand, his four-legged friend follows.

The trio cross the bridge and walk together in a comfortable silence, Dogmeat occasionally running ahead to sniff whatever interested him. Some jazzy, upbeat song plays from Hei's pip-boy and he softly hums along with it. The sun sinks into the horizon and the sky fades into a light sunset, stars beginning to dimly twinkle above the wild treetops. They cover the Commonwealth around this time of year and molt; turning the ground into a gradient of green, red, and yellow.

Hei's and Danse's footsteps unintentionally sync up as they stroll past the old Drumlin Diner. Hei spots Trudy off in the distance and he waves to her in a friendly gesture. She raises her hand in response, and cups her fingers together around her mouth to yell something; some kind of beckon. Hei heads towards the woman, and the two companions follow in tow. 

“Come in, I got some supplies to sell ya’.” They mostly buy from her shop because of the generous prices, along with the reputable "Trashcan" Carla. Hei nods and begins to head inside the diner but just as he takes a step forward, she freezes in her place and the alert pair of eyes shift into slits. They seem to bore into Danse's soul.

Trudy's palm subconsciously rests over the handle of her holstered .44mm pistol. In her eyes, this man was some power armor-clad Brotherhood bastard. She eyes him up and down with a critical eye, not breaking contact as she flexes her fingers over the butt of her gun. After a few moments of straight-faced silence on the paladin’s end after carefully parking his armor  
to the side of the diner (in an effort to be seen as an equal), she sneers and spits on the concrete beside her. She hates the Brotherhood and their involvement within the wasteland but Hei understood her (many) holdups. Times are different- trusting others often lead to death and at the end of the day, people were responsible to save only themselves.

“He’s one of the good guys, Trudy. Don’t worry.” Hei speaks up as he gives her a reassuring look, lightly rubbing Danse’s back as a sign of comfort. He exhales and Hei realizes that even he was wary of the woman. Hei's palm that slid down onto to the small of his back was gone now, but Danse feels like the man has branded his skin through the uniform. 

The chilly autumn breeze seems to cease with the growing tension; leaving the three in an awkward silence (void of Dogmeat, who was currently sniffing around in one of Trudy's stocked food shelves). She sighed and finally spoke up with the dismissal of her hostile glare. 

“...I’ll trust you on this, boy. Just don’t make me regret it.” She leads them inside and pulls out her wares, clearing her throat in order to get their attention again. They both browse the spread she had out; which was a mixture of raider armor, ammunition, and a variety of prepackaged foods. Hei's fingers delicately run through all the items; his fingertips brushing over the dents engraved into armor pieces, and then finally to a box of .308mm ammo. "Just this please." He hands her the box, and allows himself to dig through his pants pockets.

With an affirmative grunt (which reminded Hei of his beloved companion), she tells him the price and Hei pulls out the bottlecap-filled drawstring bag. Handing her over the amount, he grabs the box from her now outstretched hand and heads over to a booth at the back of the cramped diner. He leans back, and he can hear his neck crack with the pressure of his skull against the booth's striped backrest. The telltale squeak of leather being sat on enters his ears, and he glances down to see Danse now carelessly spread onto the seat opposite of him. He notices that the paladin's face is a little flushed from the sun's exposure; earning him more freckles that dust from his prominent cheekbones to the bridge of his nose, spanning between the scrunch of his eyebrows as well. It was extremely charming, in a _Danse_ kind of way. 

He has apparently been staring for too long, because Danse glanced over at with a quirked eyebrow and quizzical face. "Hei..?"

_Shit._

"I'm sorry, i guess i'm zoning out..." He pauses. "...Just distracted, is all." The lurking radroaches outside of the diner can be heard as the day fades away into a sunset that leaves them both enveloped in an orange-reddish glow.

Apparently it's a satisfactory answer, because Danse gently nods and then rests his chin on his hand, glancing out of the dusty window. He seems tired as well; his eyebags are becoming more prominent and his face is pulling into a frown instead of the taught expression that he usually carries with him. Hei decides to lay a hand on top of Danse's resting one, gently rubbing his palm across the other male's in an act of comforting him. 

He can see Danse's face flush even more in embarrassment, but he still manages to timidly laces his fingers with Hei's. 

"Look at me, do you want to sleep here for the night?" Danse lowly sighs as he hears Hei's question. His fatigue usually doesn't show during missions; he curses himself for allowing the drowsiness to consume him. 

"That won't be necessary." 

"Paladins need rest too, though." He really doesn't want to part from Danse's warm hand but he didn't want to make his superior uncomfortable, so Hei withdraws it and chooses to fiddle with the holster strap that rested on his hip instead. Danse notices the sudden tensiom, and quickly runs his own hand under the table. 

Danse is the first to speak up again. "...How do you do that?" He watches as the knight's face morphs into a confused look.

"Huh-?"

"You can always tell how I am feeling. Not many can do that, you know." Hei's fiddling hand stops abruptly. He sighs, then swallows the saliva built up in his mouth. "I'm an empathetic person, and I care about you..." He pauses for a moment, before speaking up again. "...You've saved my life, and i'll always be grateful for that." 

The sky transforms into a shade of burgundy as the sun entirely sets in the wasteland, and Danse's features are suddenly transformed by the saturated illumination. His face softens with Hei's words, his lips turning into a small smile that could easily be missed in just the span of a blink. 

They sit in silence for a while, enjoying each other's company until the stars and moon become the only source of lighting in the night sky. The knight abruptly raises himself out of his chair, and waltzes over to where Trudy is behind the counter. Danse cannot hear what the two are saying, but he looks over and sees Hei returning with a pair of keys.

"Trudy told me that we could use her room, and she'll sleep back here." Danse nods in affirmation. He enters his suit again to transfer it to their room; he finds comfort within the confines of the armor's metal walls again. Hei clicks his tongue and dogmeat's ears twitch back. After picking up an unopened can of dog food carefully between his teeth, he raises his head to await his friend's next command. The two companions regard the wave of Hei's hand, and they begin to follow him until the three arrive at a small, wooden shack resting just behind the diner. They take in the sight their makeshift room. 

The building itself is enveloped with thick vines that curve and reach in many directions; to which both Danse and Hei are entranced by. The shack itself is quite small, but better than spending the night completely in the open. Hei clicks off his flashlight and allows his companions to enter the shack first, holding the door open as the huge metal figure tries to squeeze in. After the paladin successfully enters and sheds the metal suit yet again in the left corner of the room, Hei closes the door behind him and Dogmeat. 

Hei's breath catches before it's past his lips. "Well... there's only one bed." He rubs his arm to comfort himself, and he can feel his cheeks redden just a little at the implication of sleeping in the same bed. Loud creaks begin to echo from the floorboard through the entire room. He glances over only to see the paladin now faced towards him.

They catch eyes for just a moment, and Danse sighs. 

"...Yes." 

"Well we have no choice then, do we?" Hei strips out of his hard armor shell; and begins to untie the straps that hug to the back of his limb guards. He slides the leather piece that crossed his chest between his lithe hips, and onto the floor beside the bed. He sits onto the mattress and groans, as the bed is _way_ stiffer than anticipated. Turning his head back to Danse in the darkness, he smirks and playfully pats the spot next to him. The paladin rolls his eyes with a subtle grin and leans back onto the mattress. 

While Hei is occupied with stroking Dogmeat (who decided to jump up and sprawl his heavy body across his lithe frame), Danse clings tightly onto a pair of dog tags wrapped around his neck. His fingertips begin to brush up against the neatly engraved letters on the front. _Paladin Cutler._

Before sleep overcomes him, Dogmeat nuzzles his snout into the crook of Danse's neck on top of his jumpsuit's collar. The warmth of the companion brought him the comfort needed to finally tip him over the edge. His eyes flutter shut as he lays a hand on top of the dog's scruffy neck, running thick fingers in between the messy locks of fur. The last thing he feels before finally drifting off is the warmth of a blanket thrown onto the bed, along with the warmth of a hand cupping his face gently and a soft kiss on his forehead.

_"Goodnight."_

**Author's Note:**

> it's really hard to find representation for myself, no matter the platform and so i wrote this. Aaaaanyways, thanks for tolerating my terrible writing lol- anyways kudos are very much appreciated!!


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